January 22

I feel the cold most acutely in my stomach. The temp drops, the wind blows and my hunger increases. I am sticking to my food plan but I can't say it's been easy and I've snuck a few extra snacks in. But I haven't lost control. And for me that's a win.

It seems like everybody this time of year is talking about goals. Write them down. So I made a weight loss chart. Picked a few numbers as goals.  Now I need to find some rewards.  Suggestions?  So far I have mani, pedi, facial, massage and a trip. 

Photos of my chart to come!

January 21

I am just leaving work on a cold night.  I am starving.  I am craving food - bad food.  Tacos.  Cheese.  Chips.  Anything.  Everything.  It is going to be a long night.  I don't have a lot of points left for the day.  But I am committed to using them wisely.  I will probably be going to bed early.

This is usually where the rails come off.  Where I go off the deep end and all my hard work goes out the window.  A few weeks of hard work - 20 pounds gone.  And this is where I usually get sidetracked.  But I am determined to push through - to see what is on the other side.

Tonight feels like a show down with myself - and Super Amy is going to win.  And Super Fat Amy is going to lose.

January 20

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr Day. What an awesome example of perseverance he is. 

For those who don't know, at this point in my journey I am doing Weight Watchers. It works for me as long as I work it. Cliche but true. 

I weigh in on Mondays. That is the only day they have meetings in my area. I had to miss last week due to a work commitment. 

But my work is paying off. I am grateful and reinvigorated. I lost again. 

My weight is currently 377.2. 

Onward and downward. 

Love,

Amy

January 17

I think this sums up my mental state. I'm not sure what's at the end of this journey I'm in, but I'm not staying fat. Send me good thoughts and vibes this weekend. 3 day weekend, travel, family, going out. All triggers for me to indulge. I plan to stay strong and still have fun. 

January 16

Fat girl confession # 10

I am a lucky girl, no matter how fat I am. 

I wish I was smart enough to figure out the secret to good days versus not as good days. Something in the water?  My mental attitude?  Grace from above?  I don't know. But this week I have felt extra strong and capable and positive. And today, several things, simple things, reminded me how beautiful life is and how much gratitude I owe to so many and to the world.  If you are reading this, you are someone I am deeply grateful for and somebody I am lucky to have in my life.  This journey of weight loss is my purpose at this point in time. But I hope getting to my goal never blinds me to everything and everybody I have - at this moment - at this weight.  And I hope I never fail to recognize days like today as gifts and hope they continue. 

Super Gratefully yours,

Amy

Funny

I am very tempted to give this a go. It is #winewednesday you know. 

January 15

Fat Girl Confession #5
We avoid being photographed.  With good reason.

Photo time.
This is the toughest post yet. 
Tougher even than posting my weight.
This photo was taken November 21, 2013 at a black tie work event.
I saw it sometime in December.  I couldn't believe it.
It spurred the work I am doing now in a way I have never been spurred before.
Who's stomach is that?  Who's chins are those?  Why did you leave the house like that?

I.  Do.  Not.  Want.  That. To.  Be.  Me.  (Anymore.)

Now let me preface this by saying - I am very aware that I do not have a sexy body type.  I know I am not, have never been nor will ever been a model by anyone's stretch of the imagination.  But some days you think you pull it together and look ok.  Well on those days, I am wrong.  I am not sure how anybody ever listens to a word I say.  They should be too distracted by my stomach.
(When I bought this dress for my sister's wedding years ago it looked good and was flowy and drapey and I just thought it still had the same effect.  Now it is 20 pounds of potatoes in a 10 pound sack.)

Don't cringe.  Don't feel sorry for me.  Don't say it's ok.
Thank you for those sentiments.  Just try and be supportive and help me fix it.

Because it is decidedly not ok.

As always, thanks for listening.

Amy